Self-advocacy is an important skill that even some adults struggle with. Teaching kids how to speak up for themselves takes time and intention, but even the shyest of kids can develop a sense of empowerment when armed with the following tools and strategies.
Send Messages of Worth
Kids need to learn and believe that they are worth standing up for themselves. Many kids, especially those who have difficulty developing self-advocacy skills, believe that their needs aren’t worth others’ time. The only way to change this narrative is to help kids build up their own feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. The best ways to do this are to make sure they have plenty of time for age-appropriate play, give them reasonable chores and responsibilities around the house, encourage their independence; and most importantly, show them unconditional love.
Set Goals
Setting goals is a great way to boost confidence. These goals don’t necessarily need to be directly related to self-advocacy, but they can be. The goals they set could be academic goals that they are working toward, or they could be specifically related to speaking up for themselves. For example, a goal could be related to approaching a teacher within a certain time period with a question about an assignment. No matter what their goals are about, they should be specific, measurable, and realistic.
Get Stakeholders on Board
If you and your child have committed to working together toward greater self-advocacy on their part, then the other adults in their life should know. Tell their teachers that they might be hearing from that student a bit more and that he or she is going to start being more upfront about his or her needs. This way, the teacher(s) can not only prepare themselves for the students’ efforts, but they can be part of the support team in helping the child become more comfortable with self-advocacy.
Model Self-Advocacy
One of the best ways for students to develop this skill is to see it in action! Were you short changed at the store? Go back and (poilitely!) let the cashier know. Feel like it’s time for a raise at work? Have a conversation with your boss and make sure you tell your kids about it. If you felt nervous about it beforehand, this is something you can and should share with them. Self-advocacy doesn’t have to always feel easy, but it’s important to show kids what it looks like in action.
Discuss the Benefits of Self-Advocacy
Have a discussion with them about why it’s important for us to speak up for ourselves and our needs. Tell them about the benefits of advocating for oneself, both short- and long-term. Short-term benefits include getting our immediate needs met, having our voices heard, feeling validated, and gaining a helpful sense of control over a situation. Long-term benefits are increased confidence and a greater chance at success in school, work, and life.
Read Books
Finally, there are plenty of books out there that teach self-advocacy, either explicitly or through story. Here are just a few:
- Say Something – a book about finding your voice and using it for good
- Speak Up For Yourself – a straightforward lesson on how to speak up for yourself through engaging illustrations
- Speak Up, Wonder Pup – a powerful story of self-advocacy about a dog who finally learns the right way to stand up for himself
- Decibella and Her 6-Inch Voice – a story that helps students find the right kind of way to use their voice
- Confidence is my Superpower – a beautiful story about a boy and his wavering self-esteem
Developing self-advocacy skills is hard, and it certainly does not happen overnight. If your child is struggling to stand up for what they need or has low feelings of self-worth or self-esteem, try some of these strategies and be patient. Just like any other skill, it takes time to build the confidence to advocate for yourself.
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