The difference between a “resolution” and a “goal” can be murky. The obvious difference, which isn’t a difference in definition as much as use, is that resolutions are usually made at the New Year, whereas goals are made all year long. A resolution is what happens when someone makes up their mind to either do or not do something (to begin or end a habit, for example). A goal is a specific achievement that may or may not be related to one’s resolutions. I could set a goal to run a marathon in one year. My resolution, however, might be to engage in habits that will help me reach that goal, like exercising every day.
Unfortunately, many resolutions don’t make it past January. People either forget, lose motivation, or don’t have time. But there are ways you can ensure that your or your child’s resolutions don’t fizzle. There’s no reason not to set New Year’s resolutions, as long as they meet the following criteria:
1. Link the resolution to a long-term goal.
If your resolution is to read more, your goal could be to have read 10 books by the end of the year. We are always more likely to stick to our resolutions–and make them a permanent change–when we are working towards something concrete.
2. Make it specific.
We are also more likely to stick to our goals and resolutions when we can picture exactly what it is we have committed to doing. “Read more” is a lot less tangible than “read 20 minutes a day.” Better yet, “read for 20 minutes before bed three times a week” is the best. This tells you exactly what it is you are expecting to do, and you can picture when, where, and how it will happen.
3. Make it realistic.
This is where most people go wrong. Setting sights too high will only set you up for letdown. Make sure whatever your resolution is, it’s within reach right now. If your child’s resolution is to write in their journal more but they don’t write in it at all now, then they’ll need to determine how much time they can realistically devote to writing each day: 10 minutes? 15 minutes? And will it be realistic to do this every single day? Maybe they want to start with a few times a week and go from there.
4. Finally, Make it relevant!
This is the most important aspect of a great resolution. It needs to feel relevant to your child’s life, and they need to want to do it. If any part of their resolution feels forced or they begrudge having to work toward it, it is quite likely to backfire quickly.
Tips for sticking with it:
Work toward a goal together Once your child has identified their goal and resolution, consider working toward it with them! If they want to keep their room clean, you do the same. Keep each other accountable by checking in every day. If you’ve both set out to read more, read in the same place at the same time. There is always strength in numbers.
Set benchmarks If the goal associated with your child’s resolution won’t be met until many months from now or the end of the year, create smaller goals they can meet along the way to monitor their progress. If I’ve set a goal to run a marathon by the end of the year, I’ll try a half-marathon around the 6-month mark, and a 10k a few months before that.
Allow for slip-ups If everyone abandoned their goals after the first setback, nothing would ever get done. We’re human, and as such, liable to make mistakes. Knowing ahead of time that slip-ups will happen and are a natural part of progress toward any goal will help set your child up for success. Model this acceptance for them!
Check in & reflect often…revise when needed Aside from checking in on short-term goals and benchmarks, try less formal check-ins every so often, too. Evaluate whether the goal/resolution you set is reasonable. Perhaps you bit off a bit more than you could chew. Or maybe you need a bit more of a challenge. There’s nothing wrong with adjusting a goal or resolution mid-course!
Conclusion
The goals and resolutions that don’t make it past the first few weeks of the year are the ones that were too lofty to begin with. They belong to people who aren’t willing to forgive themselves for slipping up, or having an off day or week. Those who give up think it’s easier than giving themselves the grace to try again the next morning. Be reflective, be flexible, and most importantly, be gentle with yourself.
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