Convincing kids to get their homework done is one of the most frustrating (and most common) battles for parents. If you are lucky enough to have the type of child who comes right home and settles into homework, congratulations to you. Please share your secret.
Many parents feel it is their responsibility to get their children to complete their homework. In younger grades, students often don’t have the self-regulation skills to begin homework on their own, spend an adequate amount of time on it, or get it done in a timely manner. As students get older, they begin to build more independence. But parents also know that the stakes are higher in upper grades. Not only will homework completion likely factor heavily into a child’s grade, but it may also provide crucial skill reinforcement that would put the student at a loss if he or she missed out. This can cause concerned parents to retain the homework responsibility, instead of passing the onus onto the child.
Because of this parental burden, homework becomes a nightly battle for many of us. It’s a battle we’re all tired of fighting, but you don’t want to give up and allow your child to slack off on their academics, potentially ruining their future and all their chances of success. Luckily, it’s not nearly that dramatic. Many successful people had a lot of trouble getting their homework done. Still, there are ways to approach the topic and task with your child without breaking out the armor. It’s all a matter of giving the power back to your child. No one wants to do something they feel they’re being forced to do!
Re-frame Your Thinking
When the time comes each night for the homework conversation, how does it start? Are you starting off by asking your child whether or not he has done his homework yet? And then does he tell you he’s starting it soon, to which you say he needed to start it sooner? Take a step back and consider why it is your child hasn’t started yet. It could very well be procrastination, a common obstacle in school-age kids. But it could also be something a bit deeper. Is there a particular assignment he’s putting off because it feels overwhelming? Maybe he doesn’t know where to start, or maybe he doesn’t understand the assignment. Avoid automatically assuming that procrastination is the root problem in every situation.
Re-frame the Conversation
Instead of asking whether he’s done his homework, try asking what he has for homework. Talk about the assignments instead of just checking to see if they’re finished. This will show that you’re interested in your child’s learning and not just doing a compliance check.
Give Them Choices
While they might not be able to choose their assignments all the time, or whether or not to actually do their homework, let your students decide what they can. Let them choose when and where they do their homework. Let them decide if they want to listen to music or eat a snack while they work. Try not to micromanage the conditions in which they’re working, and they’ll be more likely to be willing to get to work!
Build Their Independence
As scary as it might be, try NOT checking in on your child’s homework for a few days—only if appropriate for your child’s age, of course. Tell her ahead of time that you are going to give her some space and your trust to get done what she needs to get done. The worst-case scenario is that she doesn’t get her work done and it will affect her grade and/or learning temporarily. For some students, that’s the hard lesson they need. The best-case scenario, on the other hand, is that she is invigorated by the newly-acquired autonomy, and you learn that she didn’t need you on her back quite as much as you thought she did.
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